Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Stages of Relaxation

Women (or men either, for that matter) don’t instantly go
from a state of high anxiety to one of total relaxation.
It’s a process. And just like so many other processes,
there are particular steps and phases that need to be

Stage 1: Physical Relaxation

To bring the physical body into a state of relaxation, a
combination of deep breathing and massage can begin to chip
away at the multiple stresses that we accumulate on a day-
to-day basis. Physical relaxation is the first step, and it
is important. But there’s more to total relaxation than
merely relieving muscular tensions…

Stage 2: Relaxing our “Energy System”

Whether you call it an aura, a force field, or our natural
electricity, each of us runs off a subtle energy network
that fuels both our bodies and our minds. Many alternative
therapies have reported supporting claims that a great deal
of all of our physical ailments stem from disturbances in
our personal energy networks.

You’ll know you’re progressing well through these steps
when your lover begins to sense heaviness spreading through
her limbs and then the rest of her body. In this stage,
help your lover concentrate on her breathing. Have her
imagine peace and tranquility flooding in with each inhale
and stress and tension escaping on the exhale…

Stage 3: Relaxation of the Mind and the Senses

Once you’ve cleared stage two, you want to begin working on
your lover’s mental and emotional stress. This can be
accomplished through touch and communication.

During this stage, your lover may notice a feeling of
lightness – maybe even to the point that she feels as
though she’s floating. On closer inspection, you’ll
probably notice that the length of each exhale has grown
longer…These signs mean you’ve reached a point of deep
Yoga practitioners include an additional two stages of
relaxation, but these are aimed more at joining the
Universal Consciousness than sexual satisfaction…

Massage: Immediate Goals…

First of all, remember not to focus on the ends, but
instead the means to get there. In this case, don’t focus
too much on the orgasm (or even total relaxation, for that
matter) but totally immerse yourself in the immediate
pleasure of the moment.

That doesn’t mean though that there aren’t any specifics
that you should follow. Here are a few suggestions to help
you get the most out of the moment…

• Endeavor to get her to the state of both mental and
physical relaxation, and start out by giving her a
soothing, calming non-erotic massage
• Aim to release tension so that the orgasm is easier to
• Don’t forget the lighting, music, and scents mentioned
in the last chapter. Remember that if you create a
relaxing atmosphere in your bedroom, it will be easier
for her to become relaxed.

The 3 Step Formula For Relaxation

The formula for relaxation that I always use is covered in
3 steps:

Step 1: Set the Stage

How to create a relaxation environment in your bedroom was
covered in the last chapter, so there’s no need to go over
it again.

But, what you want to do is bring her into the bedroom for
only a few moments…and then…take her out of the room!

You’ll be building the anticipation for sex in her mind,
and she’ll start getting aroused.

Where are you going to take her next? See Step 2.
Step 2: Shower (or Bath)

You’re both going to take a shower or a bath together.
Personally I like a shower best, because it’s faster than a
bath and you can move into massaging quicker. Sometimes I
opt for a bath instead, but it really depends on how much
stress I sense my partner is in. If she’s not too stressed
out, and is already excited for sex, I’ll go for the
shower. If she had a long and stressful day, I’ll set up a

The goal here is two folds:

1) Relaxation – there’s nothing like a hot shower to
get the both of you started in a state of relaxation.
Also, the shower (or bath) acts as a transition period
from the regular routines of everyday life to love

Try not to rush the shower or the bath. You want to
take it slow and enjoy each others’ company while
you’re in there.

2) Cleanliness - obviously, showering will eliminate
sweat, dirt and odors from both of your bodies.

But what amazes me is how often people engage in
sexual activities without cleaning up first!

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to
see is toilet paper bits on her anus while I’m about
to eat her out. Or taste and/or smell urine residue
on her vagina. Yuck.

Also, if you’re doing this in the evening, she
probably went to the toilet a few times during the
day. And if you know anything about sitting on the
can, sometimes, some of that toilet water splashes
up…and…well, you get the idea.

Clean before you fuck is my motto!
Step 3: Massage

Now, once you’ve cleaned up, head back into the bedroom.
She’s ready for the massage.

Note: Lay down a large towel on the bed before you start.
You’ll be using oil during the massage (you can use grape
seed oil, baby oil, or specialty massage oils), and you
don’t want to get it on your bed sheets.

Also, later on when you’re fingering her and having sex,
she might ejaculate, so it’s a good idea to have a towel
covering the bed sheets right away.

If you have no idea about how to give a massage, don’t
worry about it. I’ll take you through each step as we go

Also, you don’t have to be a professional masseuse to give
a relaxing massage. With the basic massage techniques
you’ll learn, and, more importantly, the sequence of where
to massage, you’ll get her relaxed and sexually aroused
even if you’ve never given a massage in your life!

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